ESSAY: Convincing myself

(Pardon me some few words of unrhymed poetry. This is made as a diary, not a creative assholes used by English majors to intimidate and isolate the general public haha)

Part of me wants to believe that its for the best. I mean hey, I am the first one who told me that I want to love someone who is completely whole, absolute and emotionally secure. As for their case, I know I can never get by to people who can NEVER be satisfied with anything. In the first place, they stole me my intelligence, wit, and personal identity, which can take YEARS to rebuild and recreate--and I must admit, him playing in the dark signifies the dependency of his love. It actually feels safe to live with him, with all that chivalry and sensitivity, but then, is that the price that I must pay for that blissful feeling? A loss of character? A life unworthy to everyone? A running contest living for vindication?

I have fought far too many devils and died a million times in the name of being "worthy". If you will be my another social casualty, then let it be, for the books and ideas and lifestyle I have given to you will always be a part of you. As for my case, I think that is enough; my semi-self in your breathing, pieces of me intact in your choices, my limbs and bones in decision-making, and my heart in every word you say (even with other women).

This is probably the most irrelevant thing that I must say, but your career will take you back to me anyway. In any other way, crossroads will reappear, loopholes will refreshen, but time will only orchestrate the perfect timing of everything. I hope, by then, that your attitude will change, whole altogether, without being overly dependent on one women whom you will circle your world into. God knows that the weight of your world is heavy, TOO HEAVY, for a woman of five mouths to feed, an ideal mind to keep, and a depressing life challenged and always lacking in material wealth. Haven't you realized the stretch of our living? You in a mansion and comfort, while I in a struggling home. I don't even know why you convince yourself that I am a good idea.

God only knows if this must stand against all. Right now, for this matter, with the persons involved circling in this society, with all his friends and enemies, particularly in his state of mind, we both need some peace of mind and thinking lapses for personal bloom.

P.S.,

That simply proves that you don't value yourself, and that you only get validation from other people that can say positive, and most probably lies, things that reflect your worth.

(originally posted on facebook notes, dated March 24, 2016)

POEM: The November Jump

I have already said too much poetry

about you; cries and lies, all your glee;

How am I, in my humblest self,

to call upon your weariness, color your elf.

Ugly and broken, destitute you may appear,

hospital wars, and divorce papers you saw clear

the crib was made of straw

limp and weak you have grown

sour milk you have drawn

shouts you heard, your baby rattles

yet food was in silver platter.

As interesting as they can see;

you're still finding for your great leap.

- Danica Ann Niegas

(first published on facebook notes, dated July 27, 2015)

Book Review: Kung Alam Nyo Lang by Ricky Lee

Ever had a children’s story that has an underlying creepy lesson inside? Maybe, you have made familiar with your favorite story when you were a kid, never knowing it’s more than a bedtime fairytale? With the Ricky Lee’s latest venture, Kung Alam Nyo Lang, four childhood stories of coming-of-age will send you the chills of adulthood… in a child-like setting.

Avoiding spoilers, I tried (so hard) not to give away too many details of the book.

Ang Nawawalang Diyos

            A cliché story of discovering yourself by finding God (and not Nemo), the story spices up with Carlo’s two pets, his dog and cat. Since this narrative is already dime a dozen, it seems just the “click bait” of the book to reach the common audience—but for me, it’s my least favorite.

Ang Sayaw ng mga Letra

            I didn’t see the ending coming. Depression can seep in with years of neglect and denial. Inches away from the ending, it urges you to look at mental illnesses in a different light.

Si Inggo at ang Santo Kuwatro

            Reopening the issues of bullying, it teaches us power of word of mouth. It helps you realize how it can move people—it can haunt you, inspire you, surprise you, and yes, it can also be twisted for personal glory.

           

Nang Mapagod si Kamatayan

            The defamiliarization of immortality is genius.

                         Even though my PHP 350.00 only lasted for 2 hours (excluding the time I prepared for my midnight coffee), trust me it’s a good read. In fact, my emotions are running wild as I flick through the pages. It’s the type of dark stories that make you see a flash of light. Giving us a tinge of hope, it signals the readers that emotional warzones of growing up has a rainbow.

People change with time. There are things that happened to a person in his childhood and years later they seem to him alien and strange. I am trying to decipher that child. Sometimes he is a stranger to me. When you think about when you were 14, don't you feel a certain alienation? 

- Gunter Grass

BOOK REVIEW: Boys are Dogs by Leslie Margolis

When we were young, prepubescent problems seems like forever. Add the idea of parent’s separation, moving to another city, not seeing your friends anymore …and dealing with boys. Luckily, here is a book for sixth graders that teaches them how to train them, like a dog does.

Boys are dogs by Leslie Margolis is about Annabelle, an 11-years old student who just moved in as a sixth grader at Birchwood Middle School. She carries with a lot of changes going on about her. Her mother got a new boyfriend. She moved to another state. She switched schools, where she has barely no friends at all. One more thing: she has a new dog she needs to train. Only with a puppy-training book on her hand, she needs adjusting with a dog who eats up and chews on everything, and dealing with schoolyard bullies at the same time.

She has learned that training her dog Stripe, who eventually becomes Pepper, is not really different from standing up from boys who calls her names, snatches her homework, and steals her friends’ tables in the canteen.

Having a catchy title, not to mention derogatory for some, this books is clearly for young women—dealing with a pack of wild dogs called boys (her words, not mine!). The story is entertaining and easy-read, plus the humor is witty.  Contrary to a casual girlhood crush relationship, the theme is quite different, especially in developing the reader’s confidence department. It teaches a strong wit among the newbies in school. The simplistic vocabulary is impressive, because the story is relevant and classic difficulties of a child. Reflective as she is, Annabelle proves that emotional struggles can be solved slowly, through his puppy-training book.

Annabelle changes a lot through the chapters, turning herself into a “dominant dog” for Pepper and Birchwood boys. The other characters as well, has learned how to adjust to changes. Her stepfather Ted whom he calls “Dweeble” has managed to talk to her—though not entirely successful in keeping a connection to her new daughter. Then Jackson, an eighth grader who calls her “Spazabelle”, soften a bit until he gets along with her. Mia and Sophia, on the other hand, finally grows into young women who has their own eye candies. Clearly, this is a coming-of-age book full of problems and self-discoveries.

While some stayed the same, but the entirety of the story expects a lot of coping and growing up. It is light-hearted yet not boring until the end of the page. Young readers can relate to the theme of the story—the glories and all its mishaps.