It's all fun and games, until somebody starts to act crazy and lose their mind.

Is it possible that I'll be better if there's competition going  on? Outwardly, that was good. Inwardly, that was unhealthy. Pretending to be fine in a world of chaos. Embracing happiness when you feel empty, lost.

In general, that was suffering. What I need is to accept suffering for what it is and find beauty in the storm. To know I am in the middle of nowhere, that I must make a plan out of nothingness, and make a map in a vast desert with no compass.